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[ Time stopped that day.
From the very moment, the exact second a low voice rumbled out the word "missing" behind that familiar name, everything froze; if only for one person.
The rest of the Organization continued on with regularly scheduled business as usual from that point onward, as though something so pivotal was merely one of many agenda items to cover. There was no contingency plan; no rescue or recovery efforts. No one was even sent after him -- a fact which made at least one member bristle, as though that was a personal affront.
How they could all just move on, like nothing was wrong and everything was as it should be, was beyond him. Roxas wouldn't just disappear; wouldn’t just leave like that. And the fact that his cohorts seemed so entirely unconcerned with his disappearance left Axel questioning each and every one of them.
But, that was all ages ago now. Who even knew how long it'd been?
Axel did.
With no one tasked with finding their thirteenth member, he’d taken it upon himself -- most days, sunrise to sunset.
Everyone else may have moved on, but he somehow can’t. It’s a blockade he can’t get around; something the redhead simply can’t let go of. Others have called him moody, but those without hearts are ill-equipped for that. Really, he’s tired. Tired of feeling tired, too. Tired of not sleeping no matter how hard he tries, his restful hours turned into a series of catnaps, seemingly with one eye open, as though waiting for the moment he’ll hear those footsteps come down the hall again.
But they haven’t. For days now, they haven’t. And with each one that passes, Axel can see the world in lesser color, driven to do littler and littler. He hadn’t known he’d had hope to lose in the first place; and now... he feels more like the Nobody he rightly is than even he could have imagined.
His searching has become nothing more than mindless compulsion... and yet, he hasn’t stopped. ]
These overtime hours are killing me. [ He remarks, chakrams in his grasp rescinding back into nothing to allow him to stretch and rub at tired muscles.
Much as he’s sure the Organization appreciates the extra work he’s put in since Roxas’ disappearance, it’s not for their sake. In fact, he’d prefer they get no benefit from it at all, really. If they’re so content to label their thirteenth member missing and leave it at that, he thinks bitterly, why should they reap any reward from an effort they’re not putting forth?
Heaving a long sigh, Axel seats himself on the rooftop he’d been using as a lookout, despite turning this -- and countless other -- worlds completely upside down. (Honestly, he’s damn near memorized them all by now.) Up ahead is a distant, dwindling sunset, evaporating into shades of gray. Funny how that used to be something he’d admire, but now they’ve all lost their appeal. Their color, too. They don’t make him sad, of course -- he isn’t capable of that. But the desire to sit and enjoy them that he used to have is mysteriously absent.
A cool breeze kicks up, and he shivers despite himself, rescinding further into the confines of his coat. The season is changing, and it’s not getting any warmer. Plus, it’s nearly dark out now, so there’s little point in continuing the hunt here. He’ll have to turn in for yet another night, and try again tomorrow. In acknowledging that, it feels as though something weights him, sitting right on his chest. Axel breathes deeper to combat it, but it doesn’t relent; he can’t seem to make it. ]
I'll find you. [ he murmurs to no one and nothing as he pushes to his feet, a mere thought needlessly spoken aloud. ] Wherever you are, I’m going to bring you back.
From the very moment, the exact second a low voice rumbled out the word "missing" behind that familiar name, everything froze; if only for one person.
The rest of the Organization continued on with regularly scheduled business as usual from that point onward, as though something so pivotal was merely one of many agenda items to cover. There was no contingency plan; no rescue or recovery efforts. No one was even sent after him -- a fact which made at least one member bristle, as though that was a personal affront.
How they could all just move on, like nothing was wrong and everything was as it should be, was beyond him. Roxas wouldn't just disappear; wouldn’t just leave like that. And the fact that his cohorts seemed so entirely unconcerned with his disappearance left Axel questioning each and every one of them.
But, that was all ages ago now. Who even knew how long it'd been?
Axel did.
With no one tasked with finding their thirteenth member, he’d taken it upon himself -- most days, sunrise to sunset.
Everyone else may have moved on, but he somehow can’t. It’s a blockade he can’t get around; something the redhead simply can’t let go of. Others have called him moody, but those without hearts are ill-equipped for that. Really, he’s tired. Tired of feeling tired, too. Tired of not sleeping no matter how hard he tries, his restful hours turned into a series of catnaps, seemingly with one eye open, as though waiting for the moment he’ll hear those footsteps come down the hall again.
But they haven’t. For days now, they haven’t. And with each one that passes, Axel can see the world in lesser color, driven to do littler and littler. He hadn’t known he’d had hope to lose in the first place; and now... he feels more like the Nobody he rightly is than even he could have imagined.
His searching has become nothing more than mindless compulsion... and yet, he hasn’t stopped. ]
These overtime hours are killing me. [ He remarks, chakrams in his grasp rescinding back into nothing to allow him to stretch and rub at tired muscles.
Much as he’s sure the Organization appreciates the extra work he’s put in since Roxas’ disappearance, it’s not for their sake. In fact, he’d prefer they get no benefit from it at all, really. If they’re so content to label their thirteenth member missing and leave it at that, he thinks bitterly, why should they reap any reward from an effort they’re not putting forth?
Heaving a long sigh, Axel seats himself on the rooftop he’d been using as a lookout, despite turning this -- and countless other -- worlds completely upside down. (Honestly, he’s damn near memorized them all by now.) Up ahead is a distant, dwindling sunset, evaporating into shades of gray. Funny how that used to be something he’d admire, but now they’ve all lost their appeal. Their color, too. They don’t make him sad, of course -- he isn’t capable of that. But the desire to sit and enjoy them that he used to have is mysteriously absent.
A cool breeze kicks up, and he shivers despite himself, rescinding further into the confines of his coat. The season is changing, and it’s not getting any warmer. Plus, it’s nearly dark out now, so there’s little point in continuing the hunt here. He’ll have to turn in for yet another night, and try again tomorrow. In acknowledging that, it feels as though something weights him, sitting right on his chest. Axel breathes deeper to combat it, but it doesn’t relent; he can’t seem to make it. ]
I'll find you. [ he murmurs to no one and nothing as he pushes to his feet, a mere thought needlessly spoken aloud. ] Wherever you are, I’m going to bring you back.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-10-19 05:39 am (UTC)Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
At first, it's difficult to wake, his eyes feeling heavy and as if they wanted nothing more than to close right away again. At the same time, he feels an almost invisible pull of sorts and it's after a few moments of feeling that pull that he finally opens his eyes.
The sky is the first thing he sees, a watercolor of sunsets and birds flying overhead as a gentle breeze caresses his cheek. At first glance, it seems to be darkening and he wonders somewhere just what time it is.
It's the actual getting up part that is the most difficult for him and when he tries to initially, he collapses back against the ground, pain searing through his body and making him unable to move much. He glances to his side and can feel that there are bruises beneath his tattered cloak and he wonders just where else he might have some. His face is covered in cuts and dirt, his cloak torn here and there at the back and as he lifts a hand to his face, he can feel what he assumes is dry blood on his forehead and he blinks as he tries to recall what happened.
He recognizes where he is after a moment and with more trial and error, he finally managed to push himself up, though not without wincing as he does.
It takes him awhile to make it back towards the Organization, his steps slow and heavy, hand clutching at his side and his vision goes in and out at times with how tired he still manages to feel. For all he knows, he's been asleep for a week; it feels like it at least.
He has to stop once he makes it in view and he leans against the wall of a building, breathing heavy for a moment until he pushes himself up and continues with his slow movements. It's not that far now and he's sure if he keeps going without having to stop or stumble that he'll make it there. Already he can see rooftops and so he can't be that far now.
He can't be. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-10-19 03:53 pm (UTC)Hey!
[ It’s not a sound that seeks a response. Rather, it reads as a threat, a warning for whomever should hear it to leave him alone.
But they don’t. Instead that vague shape creeps closer, forcing Axel to hop down, hands out at his sides as though ready for his weapons to materialize, should that single barked word be insufficient. Feet carry him closer, and as they do he can distinguish a figure -- one clad in a black cloak much like his own.
So, they’ve found out about his moonlighting and have come to say something about it, have they? Fine. Axel’s more than prepared to give them a piece of his mind. His features sharpen pensively as he approaches, only to soften just as quickly, eyes widening, mouth dropping open some at a realization: It’s Roxas.
Steps speed up from there, and before he knows it, he’s running -- right up to the sight of a tattered, dusty black coat that looks like it’s been left out in the dirt for days on end. In front of it, Axel reflexively crouches before realizing what he’s doing, trying to get a good look at his once-missing friend’s face. ]
Roxas...
[ A whisper; a breath; a prayer -- the name somehow carries more emotion than either of them are capable of discerning, let alone processing.
They’ve both been injured before, but he’s never seen the blond quite this bad off. Furthermore, it’s unnatural for someone he knows is so strong to be barely upright on his feet, as though a strong breeze could topple him. He’s holding his side, his breathing different than usual, even when winded. Labored, perhaps? It’s heavy, at least; enough where Axel can hear and see every breath. There’s old blood on his face, matted into his pale golden hair, darkening spots of it to a peculiar and unflattering brown.
But, more alarming than that is the fact that even with that, he still looks so wholly colorless. It’s as though if Axel were to touch him, his hand might go straight through. He’s seen enough nobodies disintegrate into nothingness by now to know what it looks like, and it could be the dwindling light of dusk distorting things, but this still seems alarmingly similar. ]
You're not going to fade away on me... [ there's a mysterious slight inconsistency in his voice there as green eyes travel down to Roxas’ feet and back up again ] ...right?
I didn't search this long just so we could say goodbye here.
[ No, of course not -- they have many more sunsets to enjoy together, sea salt ice creams to share, and stories to tell. It doesn’t all end with one of them fading away after looking for so long. That’s not a fitting final chapter for their story. Not at all. ]
You're coming with me. [ At least he recovers, sounding more assured now. ] We’ll get you patched up.
[ Axel pushes to his feet with dutiful resolution, prepared to load his smaller partner up into his arms if only to expedite their evacuation, but Roxas’ quiet stillness still makes the taller man feel... unsteady. ]
Hey, Roxas... say something, wouldya? [ Not like he's given him half a chance to do so. (Of course, he doesn't notice that for the moment.) There’s a glance away that looks half-nervous and half-bashful, hand sinking into fiery hair and idly, dully scratching. ] ...Anything. Doesn’t matter what.
[ He sounds pathetic, but... ] Just... talk to me?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-10-21 07:30 am (UTC)Initially, he believed the redhead to be nothing more than a product of his imagination; a hallucination. With how long it feels like he's been out and how his body aches all over with bruises and marks, it wouldn't surprise him in the least if he was simply imagining the other approaching him.
But it's when he hears his name come from Axel's lips that blue eyes lift their gaze from the neverending watercolour sky and he meets those green eyes. It's those green eyes alone that confirm for him that the redhead is here and that so is he. Because even when he dreams of the other (which he next to never indulges Axel in knowing), it's those eyes that never quite seem to look as vibrant in his dreams as they do in real life.
It's difficult at first for him to say anything, let alone really understand what it is the redhead is saying to him. He's tired, he's weak, he hurts all over and if it weren't for his stubbornness, he might just collapse right now.
Axel's pleas for him to say something - anything - cause him to smile a little and he hopes it can make up for the lack of words given how out of breath he feels.
And that's when it hits him, that's when he feels that wave caress him and he can't keep his eyes open anymore with how lovely sleep feels at the moment. Eyes falling shut, he hums and stumbles foward into the redhead, falling into him with not a single drop of energy left in him to keep himself upright. ]
Tired...
[ He mutters under his breath. ]
sudden craving for intimate bathing? this gave me one.
Date: 2016-10-21 04:04 pm (UTC)...why does that make matters worse? ]
H-hey, Rox--...
[ he’s cut off by that expression melting, along with the rest of the blond’s body as he takes only a stumbling step before toppling like a house of cards. There’s something oddly panicked in the way Axel immediately moves to catch him, as though if he falls, he’ll shatter on the ground like glass.
Like glass. He could’ve never imagined seeing Roxas as quite so delicate. Yet, as he lifts his smaller cohort into his arms in a sort of backwards-piggyback style with arms and head limply resting on tense shoulders, he feels the part. He’s too light; too cold, too, and Axel’s own inherent warmth reflexively attempts to remediate, like a subconscious thermostat.
He’s not even aware of the jackhammering of his own heart in his ears until he (barely) hears that single word, and the redhead exhales a breath unknowingly held so tightly that he seems to lose inches of height in doing so. ]
Tired, huh? [ Axel comments sarcastically with a half-chuckle. ] Couldn’t’ve guessed... [ he appends with a sort of grunt, shifting the added weight of his companion to free up a hand to open a way back to the place they call home.
...Where they’re confronted by none other than Saïx, who seems (now) too-interested in the state of their previously-missing member. There’s a hint of vitriol in the redhead’s response then, as he continues to his own room with his cargo despite the protests of the other. ]
So sorry, but visiting hours are over now. Try again tomorrow. [ precedes a door closing.
No matter how unnaturally-light Roxas feels, it’s still a relief (and a bit of a challenge) to lay him down on the bed properly -- so much so that Axel helps himself to the spot next to him, sprawling and stretching for a moment. His own pillow hasn’t felt so good beneath his head in ages... but when he looks over, he’s greeted by a slack, dirt-smeared and bloodstained face that knots his insides and all-but-forces him to look away.
This isn’t a Roxas he recognizes... but it’s who he’d brought back. ]
Never thought I’d find you like this. [ He sounds almost hoarse. There’s a mysterious lump in his throat so large he nearly chokes for trying to swallow around it. Nevertheless, Axel forces his best paper-thin, humorless, dry chuckle. And then, there’s only silence -- deafening, sharp, and cutting in his ears. Painful. ] ...They really got you this time, didn’t they?
[ He’s talking to the ceiling; the walls; himself -- anyone and anything, if it means keeping that at bay; if it means he doesn’t have to face the sight next to him. Even thinking out loud helps.
Maybe busying himself would be even better, he thinks as he lazily pushes himself up onto an elbow. It’s worth a shot, in any case. ] Guess I should clean you up, huh?
[ But how? He’d run a warm bath or shower, but... at this rate, he’d probably have to get in with just to hold the little blond up, even with the water to rouse him. ]
well there IS that meme...
Date: 2016-10-22 03:12 am (UTC)He listens to the words Axel mutters, eyes closed the entire time but he hears him, even if it takes him a little longer to piece together each word and really understand what it is he's saying.
He wants to say that he's not sure what happened, that he doesn't really remember and that maybe if he hadn't been caught off guard he wouldn't be "like this" in the first place. But he can't, lips not even moving and instead he just lays there beside Axel on the bed.
His mind begins to drift, begins to slowly sink into that ocean that he can almost hear and taste behind his eyes and for a moment, he's gone.
Gone.
His breathing stopped and if he had a heart, it probably would have stopped as well. He's completely and utterly gone in every sense of the word that one can be without the body itself disappearing, right there on Axel's bed. He stays like that, in that gone sort of state for five, ten, fifteen, twenty seconds now until he begins to breathe again and slowly, blue eyes flutter open and he stares ahead as the room begins to spin; this is partly why he prefers to keep his eyes closed.
He swallows, eyes blinking slowly and he lolls his head to the side, trying to remember how to breathe, let alone find some sort of energy that he might have tucked away somewhere.
It's only when he's able to locate the redhead and find those green eyes that he finally manages to say something. ]
I knew you'd find me.
i saw it! wanna do a thing? I'm totally up for it. c:
Date: 2016-10-22 06:16 am (UTC)Nothing. ]
Roxas? Hey, wait a second! [ Axel is fully upright in his bed now, wide-eyed ] Roxas, wake up!
[ It's all he can seem to get out, though he knows he's not asleep. Not this time.
Bright green eyes scan over him frantically anyway, looking for life signs they no longer find. Truthfully, Roxas is so battered, so bruised, so broken that the redhead can't help but wonder if that last smile was a farewell; one last favor for his best friend. Sure was what it seemed like at the time, though Axel hadn't been forced to seriously entertain the idea for the moment.
Now, there's no escaping it.
Maybe he was too late. Maybe he searched all that time and only brought home a husk; a shell where his companion used to reside. If he did, there's no helping that; furthermore, perhaps he shouldn't even if he could.
So is he... fading? No, but Axel's still reluctant to touch him at first, as though doing so will somehow confirm that he's wrong. But eventually the opposition to that wins out, and he curls his index and middle finger into a smaller palm, gently squeezing. Why? To... let Roxas know that he's here, right until the end? He's not sure what he's doing; there's absolute radio silence in his mind, body acting solely on subconscious reflex.
Don't do this... Don't go... echoes in that empty space, unspoken. The blond doesn't answer. Doesn't respond. And with each passing second, that fire within Axel progressively dwindles and dies a little more, and an oppressive chill begins to encroach from all angles.
Chin to chest, eyes focused on their hands, looking but not seeing, he waits. Quiet and still, digits clutching on, he waits for his best friend to start disintegrating.
Until, just as clearly as before, he hears Roxas come back.
For Axel, it's like surfacing after nearly drowning, and he breathes like he's had the oxygen he needs cut off for that duration, maybe longer. He's winded, without any exertion whatsoever.
Nevertheless, blue eyes have never looked quite so good; that voice has never sounded more soothing. It's practically a sonata.
It takes a moment for that to seep in before Axel is able to properly break the tension with a huff of laughter and the faintest smile as he quips smartly. ]
I told you red is the color that travels the farthest, didn't I?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-10-23 06:11 am (UTC)Sure you didn't mean you?
[ His words are soft, gentle, fragile almost given the current state he has himself in. Eyes fall shut and he sighs, his breathing slow but steady and if he had a heart - a real one - it would surely be drumming just as steady right about now.
Carefully, a hand lifts to brush fingers through his matted hair and he sighs a little, knowing that he must look less than attractive. He thinks to ask Axel how he looks for a moment but stops himself from doing so, hand dropping to the mattress instead. It doesn't really matter what he looks like so long as he's still here, right? At least, that's what it feels like.
Laying on the bed feels nice and it's maybe what he needed with the amount of staggering he had done in order to get himself here. The minutes had blurred together and he wasn't even sure how long it had taken him to get to the point of Axel finding him but with a curious thought attached to that, he glances over to the redhead and slowly blinks those blue eyes of his. ]
...how long have I been gone?
[ Because with the way Axel looked to him, the way he seemed so happy and relieved to see him, he had to be betting that it was more than a couple hours as it somehow all felt like to him. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-10-23 02:54 pm (UTC)So in this case, being without that vital organ is a blessing. It leaves the redhead with enough energy left to push himself upright in bed at Roxas' first tenuous words, brows lowering into a near-scowl directed at the far wall past the foot of the bed. ]
Well, I wasn't just gonna sit here and wait for you to come back on your own, like they did. [ Nope, he's not miffed at all about that. Not even a little. But the first person to come in now and act relieved to see Roxas when they had a chance to help search before might leave somewhat charred, to say the least.
Does that mean to say that he was worried, concerned about the blond? If he could feel that, he wouldn't know how to identify it, even then. But something had gone missing in his absence; something at the very core of Axel. It was as though he hadn't known how to go on other than to find Roxas; how to resume his life as otherwise normal without that one key presence in it. Nothing was the same.
So to see him again, to be here next to him is still nothing less than life-giving, whether the redhead realizes it or not. The blood spatters, scrapes, dirt and cuts don't matter, even -- they pale against his eyes, shining like sapphires in direct sunlight against the dull, dirty, ruddy tones on his face.
At the question, Axel loops his arms over his knees, a drawn breath escaping as a sigh, expression noticeably falling flat. He doesn't feel somber, but his posture and voice both could serve as a new dictionary definition. ]
...Today makes day eight.